Ups and Downs

My last post was pretty depressing yet motivational. I talked about how my body is in fight mode. I’ve been feeling stressed, depressed and unmotivated yet I’m deciding to keep fighting. Earlier today, I told a friend of mine that I feel like I’m going through a form of bipolar. Some days I’m depressed and other days I’m super motivated. I know my emotions are temporary and natural due to my situation but it’s quite the rollercoaster.

And that’s life. It’s full  of ups and downs.

At this moment I’m feeling somewhere in the middle. I got some good news. My unemployment has been finally approved. I should be receiving a check within the next 5-7 business days. I feel relieved but there’s a part of me that isn’t ready to rejoice until I have the check in my hand. I feel grateful and humbled. I truly believe that this experience has taught me a lot about what people go through.

There are people who are struggling to pay their bills, take care of children and stay sane in the midst of it. I waited 1 month and a half to get approved for unemployment benefits. Yet there are many who have waited 4 months to only be denied. I can’t imagine the pain and agony of that situation.

I know I was complaining about not wanting this prospective job that pays low but I’m blessed to even get an interview. There are people who are literally dying just to get an interview. In fact, I experienced that a few years ago when I was unemployed for 9 months. I applied to about 200 jobs and I had about 5 interviews. That rejection hurt. It was pretty damaging to my psyche and ego and brought up feelings of inadequacy. So I know how hard it is but it is important for me to acknowledge my blessings. This time around I’m having a better success rate.

I just received an email for first round of interviews over the phone. How blessed am I to be considered for two jobs within 2 months of seriously applying for work?  I think my anxiety and stress comes because this time around in my job search, I am 1000 miles from family and friends and I have bills to pay. I know that my family and friends would  support me if things get really bad but it’s not my ideal situation. That’s a another blessing, support. There are people in the world who are literally on their own.

I’m not trying to dismiss my situation. I know that it is normal to feel depressed about losing a job, waiting for unemployment and not knowing the future. I’m simply trying to remind myself to be grateful for what I do have. And as I go through one of my “downs” in life I will try to remind myself  of all the “ups” because there are plenty.




3 thoughts on “Ups and Downs

  1. K E Garland says:

    I hope this doesn’t come off as arrogant, but I’ve learned that as long as our happiness is based on something external (e.g., a job, money, a person, etc.), then our emotions will always go up and down. Glad to see you’re feeling more hopeful today.


  2. E. Leona says:

    Thanks for the advice Katherin! I agree happiness shouldn’t be based on the external but I think what I’m going through is normal. Actually, a few weeks ago I was surprised that hadn’t really cry about my situations. Last time, I cried before this past week was in February. The situation finally hit me and I panicked. I needed a release. As I wrote in this post, I’m trying to make it an effort to be grateful everyday and more hopeful so that I cultivate that happiness that isn’t external but internal. Thanks again for sharing this journey with me and I appreciate your concern and advice about my well-being.


  3. Ardama Leonard says:

    Love YOU baby
    God will see you through
    Remember what I always tell you
    No one can keep an educated person down. Something is going to come up soon for you


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