Living in the Present

“If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present.” – Lao Tzu; ancient Chinese philosopher, founder of Taoism

Wake up call!

Yesterday, as I was leaving my hometown of Chicago, a huge feeling of despair overcame me. I was at my dad’s house mopping around, complaining that I didn’t want to go back to Boston and I didn’t want to go back to work. I was also feeling anxious about a request for a third interview for an organization that I had applied for. I haven’t had a job offer but I had been freaking out about what I would do if I had one. Would I actually leave this job for more money? Do I want to do that work? What if I still end up unfulfilled or annoyed? I just want to start a business but I’m broke. Boston is so expensive and I’m getting faced with super expensive utility bills. How am I going to start a business and deal with my expenses? AWWWW!

As my dad drove me to the airport, my dad mentioned he had never seen me like this. I usually don’t grieve when I’m leaving my family or when they leave me. I do miss them but I don’t make a scene. This time was different. The dread was palpable.

When I got to the airport, I decided that I needed to read a motivational, self-help book to get me out of this slump because the closer I was getting to Boston the more powerful my despair became.

Luckily, I stumbled upon, Jen Sincero’s “You are a Badass: How to stop doubting your greatness and start living an awesome life”. Her down to earth and relatable storytelling captured my attention so I bought it and began reading it while I was at the gate.

Sincero begins each chapter with a quote. She introduced chapter three with Tzu’s quote. The moment my eyes read that quote, my perspective changed. Here I was moping about how I didn’t want to return to work in two days when I could be focused on the fact that I have Tuesday off.

One of my goals and most important values is to live a life of peace. You know the peace that passeth all understanding that the Bible talks about. That kind of peace. I realized on the airplane that I can’t get to peace by focusing on the irritating emails that I’d be opening on Wednesday. I can’t get to peace by worrying about making a decision for a job that I haven’t been offered. I get to peace by being grateful for a safe trip home and being comforted by the great employee benefits I have like great vacation time in which I can take a day to recover from traveling before I go back into the office. I get to peace by being grateful for having a prospective opportunity to improve and diversify my professional skill set. I get to peace by realizing that I have a day off to work on my business.

So today as I woke up, I was super grateful that I didn’t have to go to work. Without the reminder of the quote, I would’ve been thinking about those emails. Don’t get me wrong as I enjoy this moment, anxiety creeps in….emails….boss…..workspace….. apartment issues. But then I remember the present. I am in my kitchen facing the window. The sky is blue. I LOVE when the sky is blue. I’m writing in my journal and my blog. I ENJOY writing.

At this very present moment, I feel at peace. And living in the present feels absolutely wonderful.

 

Peace,

Esther Yvette

 

 

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3 thoughts on “Living in the Present

    • E. Leona says:

      Yes. You’re right. I think my soul is talking to me. Throughout my job search, I’ve always knew in my heart that I want to be a social entrepreneur. I would kinda start during moments of desperation and then stop once I got “the job”. Then “the job” loses it’s luster and the universe reminds me of my dreams. I think I need to go all in. I need to take the risk. I’m working on that. I also realize that I miss family and want to live within at least a 2 hour radius of an immediate family member. I’m creating an action plan to move out of Boston and a business plan for an e-commerce business. I’ll keep you updated!

      Liked by 1 person

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