I am conflicted. There is a part of me that wants to leave my job and another part that wants to stay. I don’t know what to do. Part of my anxiety is a build up of a stressful few months.

Those who’ve followed me, know the struggle I’ve had with unemployment, underemployment, and employment at I place I did not like. I was so excited when I received the offer for my current position in January.

However, the position and the company has lost it’s luster to a certain degree and I’m thinking of jumping ship. But something is stopping me. I told myself that my next position needs to be “mine”. I truly believe I am a social entrepreneur at heart. I love building communities who’ve been historically underserved. That is why I am not ready to leave my “students” at the community college I work at. But there is that part of me that reminds me of my dreams. And when shit starts hitting the fan at work, the reminder bell rings louder!

I also feel like I’m past the stage of leaving a job just because I don’t like something. There is no perfect company, job or manager. Similar to life, a tenure at a job will have it highs and it’s lows. Perhaps, I’m going through a low at work and this will pass. I just have to reevaluate my work values and consider my options to make a decision.

I’m so glad that I wrote down my professional values in my journal on Valentine’s Day 2014.

According, to my diary, I value:

• Justice-  I would like to do something that empowers women and or blacks
• Purpose- I want to be passionate about what I’m doing and enjoy doing it
• Productivity- I would like I place that is bustling with projects
• Creativity- I would like a place to nourish my new ideas and implement them
• Order and Organization-I like when things are planned and organized. This minimizes chaos.
• Financial Stability- I need good Benefits and would like and deserve a competitive salary
• Atmosphere of Positive energy and Optimism- I like being surrounded by hopeful and idealistic people
• Community-I want to be around people who are supportive, encouraging and who would become my friends
• Individuality- I appreciate a good balance of independent and collaborative projects

I think I’ll add one more value. Perhaps out of naivety, I forgot to add management style! One of the biggest reasons people quit is because of their manager. According to Inc, “People leave managers not companies”.

Over the years, I’ve come to realize that I value a Participative Management style with a bit of the vision and direction of the Authoritative management style.

I realize I appreciate strategic vision and planning from a leader and respect when the manager collaborates with their team to reach the goal. I appreciate the hands on leader. This isn’t to be confused with micromanagement. I just believe that collaboration from the manager builds trust among employees. I also appreciate regular feedback both positive and constructive.

My next step is to decide if my current position, company and manager’s style align with my values.

I’ll keep you all posted.

I’m glad I wrote today. I don’t feel as conflicted. I am getting a bit of clarity. I’m grateful and hopeful about my future decision.

-Esther Yvette

*In the meanwhile, I’m going to be working on my side hustle. I’ll be working on my entrepreneurship. I’ll keep you all updated with that as well.