Feels Good

It’s been a long time. Nine months to be exact. I got a new job and abandoned my blog. I’ve thought about writing but honestly life and lack of motivation got in the way. It happens and I’m not gonna beat myself up about it. I’m only human.

I decided to write because at the moment I feel good. I’m still at the same job from January. It has lost it’s luster and is causing me some serious stress but I’m so ever grateful for the awesome employee benefits like comp time. So I took advantage of it and stayed home all day today and it feels great!

I needed this day off. I had a super stressful week. A prominent director broke down in tears and shared her frustration with the job and culture. Two days later, I broke down in front of her about getting demeaned by my boss. This happened on the week of a career fair I was coordinating in which I had to meet expectations of 200 job seekers, feed 40 employers, and manage a volunteer staff of  15.

So you know, I am happy as hell to sit my ass down and do absolutely nothing! Even with all the stresses, I can find “light at the end of the tunnel” as my coworker says. This was a tough week but I can only focus on the joys I’ve experienced.

I feel good because I am grateful.

I’m grateful for  and proud of a successful career fair! Our team had a goal of 200 job seekers and we achieved it. Words cannot express the appreciation I have for my volunteer staff, coworkers and cosponsor who took time out of their busy schedules to help me.

I am grateful for my coworkers. Honestly, there is a lot of cynicism, blaming and shaming at my workplace. However, I’ve managed to develop strong bonds with some positive uplifting people.

The director who broke down in front of me is one of them. We started around the same time and she is an introverted, soft spoken, optimistic person who’s so encouraging and dedicated to the students. This week we got closer and she told me “we have to be careful who we surround ourselves, make sure they are encouraging and positive people”. I am so grateful that I happened to be there during her break down and I appreciate her empathy when I was in a vulnerable state.

Another colleague, who is just the best, has been working with me since my first career fair back in the spring. She is so friendly, warm, idealistic and passionate about helping our student population. We’ve become close over the year and yesterday after our success, I shared with her about my breakdown the day before the career fair in which I closed my office door and cried for 40 minutes. We talked about the culture of complacency and discontentment at the work place. She reminded me to stay positive and to be proud of my successes. She mentioned how her colleagues ask her “Why do you still have so much energy, why are you so excited even though this place is so depressing?” She told me, “I’m not going to let them take my joy away because they’re not happy, you shouldn’t let them either.”

Truth.

I have to remind myself that daily, “don’t let anybody take your joy away”. That doesn’t mean that I’m not going to have any more breakdowns. Both of my colleagues are effected by negativity. I’ve witnessed them  cry and stress out. Life will continue to throw us curve balls. However, they’re reminding me to turn the negativity into something positive, appreciate the good moments, set boundaries and remember that I always have a choice. That’s powerful as hell.

And that feels good.

 

 

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