As I reflected over my journal entries of 2015, I realized that I didn’t actualize many of my resolutions….. and that’s okay. There were some goals that were pursued relentlessly and there were others that fell by the wayside. In this last blog entry of 2015, I will share the 5 resolutions I wrote in my personal journal on January 1st 2015 and then I’ll share my realities.

Resolution 1: My number 1 goal for 2015 was to pray more. I wrote, “I want to literally pray without ceasing. I want an ongoing communication with God. I want to pray about every single situation….”

Reality: My prayer life actually decreased this year. I’m not sure if it is due to the many changes that happened this year such as moving to Boston, spending the summer in Baltimore,  just a shift in values or a combination of everything. I still pray and meditate but it isn’t to the same extent as it was last year or even earlier in the year.

Resolution 2: I wanted a full-time flexible job in order for me to live on my own and start my own business. Throughout my journal, journals as a matter of fact, I prayed and dreamed that I would get a full time job.

Reality: I got a full-time flexible job in order for me to live on my own. In August 2015, I began my first full-time job and my first place. I don’t live with parents. Now I live on my own! I definitely, pursued this goal relentlessly by amping my job applications, getting a career coach and networking more. It payed off. Currently, I am back to part-time status however, I still can live on my own. However, I still have a flexible job that would give me time to start a business. This leads to my next unmet resolutions.

Resolution 3: Start a small business. I wanted to to finish SCORE classes (inexpensive business classes) and start a body butter recipe blog.

Reality: I haven’t started a small business. I did finish the SCORE classes and I started the body butter recipe blog but I haven’t followed through with anything. I haven’t done anything related to this since May. I think it is due in large part to my moving to Boston.

Resolution 4: I wanted a boyfriend and I wanted to have sex. Yes, in my effort to efforts to be real with myself, I admitted that I wanted to get laid. I also wanted to experience having a boyfriend and being adored an cherished by a beautiful man.

Reality: Sex is complicated. I still never had a boyfriend and I haven’t had intercourse. I do have to say that 2015 was a year of sexual exploration and I did go on several dates and talked with a few guys. I share most of my experiences with men on my other blog 27goingon30.wordpress.com. But I have yet to seal the deal and I’m actually okay with it.

Resolution 5: I want to be authentic. I wrote, ” I want to let go of what people think of me. I want to let go of shame, self consciousness and insecurities. I want to embrace me because I am ENOUGH.” In fact, this inspired my first 2015 blog entry entitled, I am ENOUGH for 2015.

Reality: I’m still ENOUGH. Even though I’m not praying without ceasing; God still answers prayers (Job!). Even though I don’t have a small business; I gained craftsmanship through DIY projects at my new place. I still don’t have a boyfriend but I’ve learned that adoring and cherishing myself is what really matters. Even though I didn’t accomplish every single resolution; I am enough.

This year, I definitely stayed true to myself. I was transparent and vulnerable about my feelings. I was honest and authentic at my interviews. I took risks, I opened up more to men than I ever did in my life and I honestly believed that these choices and experiences made me more me. I learned so much about myself, about life, about change and about being true to my values and standards. I honestly believe this led to my getting this job and my own place.

So that was 2015 in a nutshell. Let’s see how I’ll do with 2016 resolutions!

Thanks so much for following my blog. I appreciate your support and comments. See you in the next year!

Esther